He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
