nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
