During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
