then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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