Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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