I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
