By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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