i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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