U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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