so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
