You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
