and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
