I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize