Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
