Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
