Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
