fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
