did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
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She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life