She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
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She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The power of my boobs compel you
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi