Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions