Texts From Last Night

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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.

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  (920): I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too. http://tfl.nu/1n8l
  Replies (13) Good night (899) Bad night (3506)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem

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  (704): the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem http://tfl.nu/ycgy
  Replies (10) Good night (3915) Bad night (630)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.

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  (615): i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time. http://tfl.nu/0k6p
  Replies (12) Good night (3672) Bad night (543)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.

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  (832): He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless. http://tfl.nu/abxi
  Replies (11) Good night (4588) Bad night (713)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo

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  (920): It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo http://tfl.nu/s2q1
  Replies (2) Good night (1112) Bad night (772)
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  (760): View more from California

  I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.

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  (760): I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional. http://tfl.nu/8oha
  Replies (1) Good night (766) Bad night (440)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work

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  (412): also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work http://tfl.nu/czp1
  Replies (6) Good night (1080) Bad night (402)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.

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  (574): My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever. http://tfl.nu/qus4
  Replies (1) Good night (1120) Bad night (487)
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  (420): View more from

  Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.

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  (420): Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals. http://tfl.nu/6422
  Replies (9) Good night (1205) Bad night (378)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"

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  (614): And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice" http://tfl.nu/xdkd
  Replies (3) Good night (1069) Bad night (412)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains

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  (302): Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains http://tfl.nu/rusa
  Replies (6) Good night (1355) Bad night (469)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late

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  (775): This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late http://tfl.nu/ovyj
  Replies (2) Good night (566) Bad night (268)
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  (310): View more from California

  Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing

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  (310): Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing http://tfl.nu/gwvn
  Replies (3) Good night (589) Bad night (318)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.

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  (228): Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high. http://tfl.nu/9q6n
  Replies (3) Good night (955) Bad night (276)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.

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  (+44): no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day. http://tfl.nu/lzsp
  Replies (3) Good night (487) Bad night (330)

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