My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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