left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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