there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
