so that wasnt chicken after all
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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