You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
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Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
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I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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