god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
