That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Boobs are out for the taking
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
