then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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