toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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