All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
