Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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