found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
