We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
