Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I supernannyed him into submission
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize