the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My balls are so social today.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
