I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm determined to sit on that face.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
