After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
