WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
