I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
