The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Panties = found
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