The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
