Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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