using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
