nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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