Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
