so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
