speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Pants are for mortals
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