Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
barbara walters just said penis...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
