Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
