I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
