i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
