Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
