Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
