I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
