Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
