Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
