Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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