Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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