That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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