Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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