I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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