Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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