Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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